html> LoVe iS PaSsInG By Me...
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Opis bloga

hey...svima koji ovo citaju, ja sam 16-godišnja cura s cudnim shvacanjem zivota i s pomalo neobicnim pogledom na svijet i okolinu...pocela sam vise razmisljat o smislu zivota , ljubavi i nadi te se malcice duhovno produbljivat, heh...kissssss
st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006


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CCreative
RRelaxed
AAppreciative
SSaintly
HHairy
IIrresistible
NNoisy
TTwisted
OOverwhelming
PPainful
IInsane
EEarthy
CCasual
EEdgy
SStrong

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SIMPLE PLAN lyrics


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simple plan

a href="http://www.lyricsdownload.com">Music Lyrics
Car Accident
Car Accident

love hurts

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st patrick's

st patrick's


Love hurts
love scares
love wounds and mares any heart
Not tough nor strong enough to take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
love is like a cloud
holds a lot of rain.
Love hurts
love hurts
I'm young I know but even so
I know a thing or two I've learned from you
I've really learned a lot
really learned a lot.
Love is like a stove
burns you when it's hot.
Love hurts
love hurts
some fools rave of happiness

Blissfulness
togetherness
some fools fool themselves
I guess

But they're not fooling me I know it isn't true

No
it isn't ture. Love is just a lie made to make you blue.
Love hurts
love hurts.

Love hurts
love scares
love wounds and mares any heartI love the way you look at me

st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006


Puddle of Mudd - Control
I feel the pain you place inside
you lock me up inside your dirty cage
well I'm alone inside my mind
I'd like to teach you all the rules
I get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
well then your secrets never show

I need to feel you
you need to feel me
I can't control you
you're not the one for me
no
I can't control you
you can't control me
I need to feel you
so why's it even

I love the way you break my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
'cause I'm the guy you'll never fiind
I think you know all of the rules
theres no expresions on your face
I hope that someday you will let me go
release me from my dirty cage

you and me

I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you
TTimeless
AAmazing
MModern
AAstonishing
RRefined
AAstounding

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me
You're not the one for me

feel the pain inside you

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Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd

This roman meal bakery thought you’d like to know
I don’t need no arms around me
And I don’t need no drugs to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don’t think I need anything at all.
No! don’t think I’ll need anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.

st patrick's

st patrick's



Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-
I’m just a poor boy,i need no sympathy-
Because I’m easy come,easy go,
A little high,little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesn’t really matter to me,
To me

Mama,just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger,now he’s dead,
Mama,life had just begun,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didn’t mean to make you cry-
If I’m not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing really matters-

Too late,my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body’s aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-I’ve got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I don’t want to die,
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all-

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo,galileo,
Galileo galileo
Galileo figaro-magnifico-
But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He’s just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-
Bismillah! no-,we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me-

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby-can’t do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-
nothing really matters to me,

Any way the wind blows....
st patrick's

st patrick's



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WINTERSUN
Beyond The Dark Sun

... For years I have travelled in coldness,
but my heart is warm as the darkened sun above me...
Nothing can ever take away
what I've seen with these tired eyes

Face of the weeping night
and the shade of the fading light

The dawn will never rise again for my eyes
and I will never sleep again
I've lost my hope time after time
cause the light has vanished from the sky

Now when the darkness has become part of me
I got to let my shadows free
cause I never looked behind, I never tried to find
something that could have made me one
Now when the sorrow has taken control of me
I got to let my shadows free
cause I never looked behind, I never tried to find
something that could have made me one
something that I could reach the Sun

st patrick's

st patrick's


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Sympathy for the devil - Rolling stones


Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith
And I was ’round when jesus christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around st. petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general’s rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached bombay
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what’s confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me lucifer
’cause I’m in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, what’s my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what’s my name
I tell you one time, you’re to blame
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah
What’s me name
Tell me, baby, what’s my name
Tell me, sweetie, what’s my name

st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006



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Photograph - Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

And This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out

And This is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must’ve done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it’s too late
Should I go back and try to graduate
Life’s better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
Had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
Found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Goodbyyyyeeee

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
the cops hated us hangin out
they say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we’d know
We said someday we’d find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim’s the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She’s had a couple of kids since then
I haven’t seen her since God knows when
Oh oh oh
Oh god I, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it

So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me.
st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006




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November Rain - Guns N` Roses

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain


Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one


st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006




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Ja sam jos ona ista budala - Riblja Corba

Ti si moja stanica na putu
jedan stepenik do neba
otrov koji i te kako treba.
Ti si uvek bolja polovina,
nekad jagnje, nekad zmija,
moja ili bilo cija.
Ti si nepredvidljiva ko djavo,
i od gvozdja i od stakla,
deo raja, deo pakla.
Kada te ostave svi svaleri,
kad shvatis da si pala,
iskopaj negde broj telefona
ja sam jos ona ista budala.
Kad skines jednog jutra sminku
i shvatis sta si drugima dala,
prikupi hrabrost, dodji do mene
ja sam jos ona ista budala.

saint st patrick's day 2006

saint st patrick's day 2006




DON'T WANT TO BE- Gavin Degraw

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned!
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situation-made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody
I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be

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st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006



st patrick's day 2006

st patrick's day 2006




Is this love - Whitesnake

I should have known better
Than to let you go alone
It's times like these
Can't make it on my own
Wasted days, and sleepless nights
An' I can't wait to see you again
I find I spend my time
Waiting on your call
How can I tell you, babe
My back's against the wall
I need you by my side
To tell me it's alright
Cos I don't think
I can't take anymore
Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me
I can't stop the feeling
I've been this way before
But, with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day
An' I can't wait to see you again
So I can hold you in my arms
Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me
Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love is this love


saint patrick's day

saint patrick's day





Artist: NICKELBACK
Album: All The Right Reasons
Title: Far Away



This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

One my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand



saint patrick's day

saint patrick's day



This kiss - Faith Hill
I don’t want another heartbreak
I don’t need another turn to cry
I don’t want to learn the hard way
Baby, hello, oh, no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky

It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss

It’s that pivotal moment
It’s impossible
This kiss, this kiss (Unstoppable)
This kiss, this kiss

Cinderella said to Snow White
How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse

Ride me off into the sunset
Baby, I’m forever yours

It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss

It’s that pivotal moment
It’s unthinkable
This kiss, this kiss (Unsinkable)
This kiss, this kiss

You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pouring inside
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let’s let every thing slide
You got me floating, you got me flying

It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss

It’s that pivotal moment
It’s subliminal
This kiss, this kiss (It’s Criminal)
This kiss, this kiss

saint patrick's day

saint patrick's day



Cryin` - Aerosmith

There was a time
When I was brokehearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned, yeah
'Cause me and them ways have parted
That kinda love was the killin' kind


All I want is someone I can't resist
I know, all I, need to know
By the way I got kissed


I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm tryin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down on me


Now there's not even breathing room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same


It's down on me
Yeah, I got to tell you something
It's been on my mind, girl I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you do to me takes my breath away


Now the word out on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
That's a fire I can't resist


I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do to me


'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
'Til you give your heart away


I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' just to let you
Do what you do, what you do down on me
Baby, baby, baby


I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down to, down to, down to


I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery




saint patrick's day

saint patrick's day







četvrtak, 09.03.2006.

faith hill - let me let go

oprostite imala sam malih problema na blogu, doslovno mi je sve štekalo, izbrisali su mi se boxevi, postevi i ostalo, sad je sve ok, pozdrav svima, kad nadjem malo vise vremena napisat cu posteni post

LET ME LET GO (Faith Hill)

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za mene i još nekog, kisssssssssss st patrick's day images

st patrick's day images



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| komentari (7) | print | # |

četvrtak, 09.02.2006.

***darkness in my soul**

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Aloha, ljudovi..evo I mene napokon…bila sam u nakoj fazi kad mi se jedostavno nije dalo ni zivjeti, a kamoli pisat blog….ali evo ipak odlucih nesto vam naskrabat…tko zna, mozda je to I zadnji post, ne znam ovisi o mom daljnjem raspolozenju…u ovo vrijeme sam dosta obilazile blogove..i ima ih svakakvih, oni koju pisu za svoju dusu I najiskrenije…te I oni ciji blogovi pocinju sa; “evo posto I moja najfrendica ima blog, moram I ja biti u trendu I napraviti ga...”, isuse kad sam to procitala htjela sam odalamiti tu zensku I njezinu najbolju frendicu, svasta mogu podnijet, ali preseravanje...ih za poludit... nikad mi nije bilo jasno I nikad mi ni nece biti zasto ljudi lazu o sebi I svojim osjecajima na blogu, pa to bi trebao biti dnevnik kojem ces se obracat kad si u krizi…a ne parodija na stvarni zivot, eto osobno poznajem jednu osobu koja na blogu pise
takva sranja I takve bljuzge da bi covjek najradje povratio po njoj sve sto je jeo za rucak,…ma zgadio mi se zivot, uzas… s druge strane upoznajem ljude iz cijele zemlje I to me veseli, …I tak ima ljudi koji su stvarno super I koji ce ti dati savjet I pruziti veliku podrsku, a da te ni ne poznaju…I to mi se svidja kod tih masovnih blogova koji nastaju iz minute u minutu…eto, a hocete cuti sto se sa mnom dogadja u posljednje vrijeme?! Iskreno ne znam ni sama, opet sam u stanju izgubljenosti, lutanja, kaosa…kao da imam sve, a ipak mi nesto fali…ono nesto, ma ne znam, raspolozenje mi se mijenja iz sekunde u sekundu…I to me strasno iiritira, kao da ne mogu pomirit razum I osjecaje, u nekim trenucima osjecam se potpuno osamljeno, dok sam nekad presretna bez odredjenog razloga, I to me ubija…jer ne mogu tako zivjet, inace sam vrlo ustalozena osoba, sto se tice skole, obaveza, stolnog, prijatela, ali nikako da sama sebe ustabilim…mnogo sam o tome razmisljala I jednostvano ne mogu vise otkrit sto me veseli, zbog cega zivim svaki dan, a ja nisam takva…ja trebam imati cij, nesto za cime cu se povoditi…ne mogu zivjeti kao da nista ne znacim, nije me briga sto drugi misle, bitno mi je da ja sama znam da dobro postupam, da sam osoba od povjerenja I pomoci…a ja vise ne znam tko sam…dusa koja ce svaki cas isparit ili kap koja ce nestat s lica zemlje…nemocna sam, ne vladam sobom, kao da sam u nepovratnom kaosu osjecaja, misljena, svega…, isprazna ili tek nedopunjena?? Malo zrnce srece mozda bi pokrenulo oluju u moj
oj dusu sto vec duze tinja, tinja..ali na zalasku..svakog ce se trena ugasiti…ja sam ta koja je treba potpaliti, no nisam vise sigurna zelim li zaista…ili je bolje da zivim ko dusa bez srca, bez osjecaja pripadnosti…,razmisljala sam puno o tome, ali svaki put bi se vracala na isto more zablude, lazi …ne znam, ne mogu.. ne to je najlakse reci…imam osjecaj da se polako predajem nekoj visoj sili koja ce me dokrajcit, koja ce izjesti ono malo sto je od mog srca ostala, trebam poticaj da to prevladam, ja znam da mogu, ali nije mi volja, kao da mi svejedno sto ce se sa mnom dogoditi, hvata me jeza besosjecajnosti koja nikako da me se okani, zasto je to tako?! Moj zivot je samo u mojim rukama I zar ja nisam dovoljno jaka da prevladam omanju prepreku, mozda tad I ne zasluzujem zivjeti…tell me what it takes to let me go…izgubljena u moru kaosa, odlutala sam na svjetlo mjesto, dobrote I nepokvarenosti duse, ljubavi, postovanja I sto je najbitnije nade….nade u bolji zivot, no to se zbilo samo u mojim mislima, u stvarnosti sam ja jos uvijek izgubljeno, nemocno bice kojeg je povrjedila zloba I neiskrenost ljudi, hocu li pronaci svoj raj…tesko je cak pomislit,a kamoli u to povjerovati, no v
rijeme ce pokazati svoje…ako nece, od mene ce ostati samo hrpa kostiju razbacanih u dusama ljudi opcinjenih zlom…

What it takes - Aerosmith

There goes my old girlfriend
There's another diamond ring
And a all those late night promises
I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story
Did you find another man
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made
When you don't look back I guess
The feelings start to fade away
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street
Like you didn't miss a beat, yeah

Tell me What It Takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep
In the night, withouth thinkin' you lost
Everything that was good in your life
To the toss of THE dice
Tell me What It Takes to let you go

Yeah,

Girl, before I met you, I was F.I.N.E - fine
But your love made me a prisoner
yeah, my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money
Then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep
With the devil in your eyes



Guitar!

Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dying
When you're cryin' for me



Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
'Cause i don't wanna burn in Paradise
Oh, let it go, let it go...

I don't wanna burn....



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četvrtak, 05.01.2006.

**...don* t want to be...myself**

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Pozdrav svima..nadam se da ste se odmorili od novoodisnje ludnice…ja sam jos neispavana…nije I cudno kad se svaki dan dizem u sedam, odlazim spavati daleko iza ponoci…mislila sam da cu se bar malo odmoriti preko praznika, ali nista..apsolutno nista ne stignem… I kak ste proveli najludju noc u godini?!? Pa meni je bilo vrlo dobro, recimo ocjena 4…nije bilo spektakularno, ali to ni nisam ocekivala…eto…posto sam dosla doma u kasne jutarnje sate…oko 8, imam zabranu izlazaka…tak da nisam bila na reprizi…but not very big lost…eto danas je neka manja festica pa nagovaram da idem, I na dobrom sam putu…no ako budem I mogla ici, ne budem smjela do fajrunta, posto sutra u 4 krecemo na skijanje…je jedva cekam, to je jedino cemu se veselim ove godine…za to sam jedino sigurna da bude mi super, to nikad ne ispadne fijasko…za razliku od mnogih drugih stvari u ovom prokletom zivotu…znam da sam rekla da ne budem vise depresivno pisala, ali jednostavno me taj osjecaj polako opet poceo ispunjavati…I to me uzasno iritira jer sam konacno mislila da sam se okanila tog osjecaja bar za neko vrijeme, ali opet me poceo loviti…onak bezveze…osjecam se onak isprazno, kao da mi nest trenutno fali…a ne znam kaj…I to me onak jako jebe u zdrav mozak ovih dana…kao da mi zivot prolazi bez posebnog znacaja…imam osjecaj da sam toliko toga propustila…da trebam vise riskirati, a ja nisam takva osoba…uvijek idem na sigurno I to linijom veceg otpora…I onak htjela bi bit vise slobodnija, a ne mogu se opustiti...kao da sam u nekom kavezu, zatocena, ali na sigurnom…bojim se neuspjeha I za sad uspjesno bjezim od njih…ali znam da mi to nece uvijek uspijevati…ali sto je uopce neuspjeh??? Za nekoga je neuspjeh ne zavrsiti srednju skolu, ne upisati faks, ne se zaposliti..a za mene je to propast, shvatila sam da krivo gledam na svijet, samo iz svog pogleda…a nisu svi ljudi isti daleko od toga…ali nekako ne mogu ni provirit na zivot iz tudje perspektive…npr. Meni je nezamislivo nekome konstantno zagorcavati zivot, a da to I ne primjetis…vjerujte ima I takvih ljudi, koji zive samo da bi nekoga unistili, to me ubija…svaki covjek kriv je za svoju nesrecu I neusjeh, naravno da ima mnoge nepravde koja nas sve polako kosi, ali in general..za sve sto radis samo si si kriv…zato ja pokusavam donijeti sto manje krivih odluka koje ce mi zauvijek promjeniti zivot nagore…ali kako znati sto je ispravno? Sto je uopce danas moralno?? Svaki pojedinac drugacije gleda na to, ako uopce ima svoj stav I misljenje o necem takvom…” Nikada ne cini nesto za sto ces se morati kaznjavati”…i ima nesto u tome…potaknuta jucerasnjim Tree hillom, kad je Nathan rekao Lucasu: “A sto bi bilo da se Dan nije ozenio mojom majkom? Mislim da je tebi I Karen ucinio golemu uslugu” dakle iz toga proizlazi da svaka odluka utjece na buducnost I to maksimalno, a losa cete prije ii poslije pokositi, samo je pitanje vremena…ne zivite u zabludi da vas zlo nece docekati…ono je tu, ceka vas najmanji krivi korak I obuzdat ce vas u trenu, pa dobro razmislite prije nego sto donesete znacajnu odluku u svom mladom zivotu…no dosta moralne prodike…vjerujem da sam dosadna I meni I vama…u ustajnosti lezi razlika izmedju uspjeha I poraza, zapamtite to I budite uporni…mozda ce vam se koji put obiti o glavu, ali naposljetku uspjeh vam je definitivno zajamcen…ej sto mislite je li bolje biti nesreno zaljubljen uzalud se nadati ili biti ne zaljubljen?! U prvom slucaju imate nesto cemu se radujte, nekoga tko vam daje snage za naprijed…a u drugom nema straha od slomljenog srca…ja obavezno odabirem ovaj drugi...jer bojim se da cu patiti, I sad zivim ravnodusna bez tog “predivnog” osjecaja ljubavi koji bi me vodio kroz zivot…I to je vjerojatno razlog sto je moje srce hladno I zatvoreno…ali ne ja se ni necu zaljubiti, idu mi na zivce svi ti ti goluipcici koji malo prekidaju pa se opet mire, to za mene nije ljubav…ja ni ne znam sto je ljubav jer je nisam u pravoj mjeri dozivjela, a vjerojatno je ni necu…jer ne postoji netko tko isto misli o tom osjecaju kratkotrajne srece, a dugotrajne boli I patnje…I neka...ne mora…ali ja jednostavno ne mogu biti s nekim deckom s kojim ne mogu normalno razgovarat…ne samo o svakidasnjim stvarima nego I o takvim razmisljanima o kojima pisem na blogu….onak da mi bude I najbolji prijatelj uz to, znam da fantaziram I zivim u zabludi da cu takvog ikad pronaci…ali eto…cast iznimkama, takvi su u nas veoma rijetki…ajd sad sam vec I pretjerala, dobila sam inspiracije otkad stogoh s treninga, no sad ce jedno vrijeme biti zatisje pred buru jer idem na skijanje pa se jedno vrijeme necu javljati…ajd ostanite mi svi zivi, zdravi I lijepi kakvi jeste….kisssssssss
The One I Love - The Rasmus

Haven't slept in a week
My bed has become my coffin
Cannot breath, cannot speak
My head's like a bomb, still waiting
Take my heart and take my soul
I don't need them anymore

The one I love
Is striking me down on my knees
The one I love
Drowning me in my dreams
The one I love
Over and over again
Dragging me under

Hypnotized by the night
Silently rising beside me
Emptiness, Nothingness
Is burning a hole inside me
Take my faith and take my pride
I don't need them anymore

This bed has become my chapel of stone
A garden of darkness to where I'm thrown
So take my life, I don't need it anymore



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subota, 31.12.2005.

**...I hate the way...**

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10 things I hate about you

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car and I hate it you when you stare
I hate your big comrad boots and the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick and I even makes me rime
I hate it…
I hate the way you ` re always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you ` re not around and the fact that you didn` t call
But mostly I hate the way I don` t hate you not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all[/B]
Kat, “10 things I hate about you”



Ej, pozdrav svima, malo sam promijenila dizajn I smanjila slike, krenula sam slagat nest svoje, ali nije mi se dalo…eto, sretan vam svima Bozic s velikim zakasnjem, ali prije nisam nasla vremena da napisem novi post…I sorry cure kaj vam se ne javljam, ali u takvoj guzvi sam…uzas, mislila sam posto su praznici a budem imala malo vise slobodnog vremena, ali bas je suprotno…dani mi prolaze ko minute, ujutro se budim u sedam, idem na trening, dodjem doma, spavam, gledam malo TV, opet na trening, nadjem se s curama I to je to…dan je gotov, uostalom I godina je gotova…nadam se da ste si svi isplanirali sto cete za novu….ja do zadnjeg trena nisam znala di cu, ali ipak je doleprsala ponuda, pa eto…sve je sredjeno…I dobila sam izlazak do jutra, tak da …uh jedva cekam…I ste donijeli kakve znacajnije novogodisnje odluke?! Ja nisam, odlucila sam da cu ostati takva, kakva sam, pa tko hoce nek me prihvati, tko ne…to je njegov izbor…I mislim da sam se nasla na dobrom putu da se upotpunim, da se u potpunosti pronadjem…primjetila sam da se vise veselim sitnicama, I da zivot prihvacam olako onakav kakav je…I to je moj novogodisnji savjet svima…be yourself, tj. Prihvati sebe kao licnost u potpunosti I tek tad ces zazivjeti pravim zivotom, tek da ces shvatiti prave vrijednosti zivota I osmjehnut ce ti se sreca I nastavit ce ti se zivot pod sretnom zvijezdom, vjerojatno se cudite sto ovako optimisticno pisem jer ste me navikli citat onako punu tuge I jada….e pa shvatila sam da su moji problemi prema problemima svjetskih razmjera nula nista…I ne nisam postala optmisticna preko noci I ne gledam svijet preko ruzicastih naocala, jednostavno sam pocela gledat svijet malo realnije, mislim da se iz potpunog pesimista pretvaram u realista, I mislim da je to za mene veliki pomak, mali korak za tamaru, velik korak za covjecanstvo…heh, ajd dosta zlevanja…inace jucer sam napokon gledala “10 things I hate about you” I obozavam taj film, tko ga nije pogledao nek ga odmah pogleda jer…uh osim sto je Heath Ledger prezgodan, film je super…I hvala Lari koja mi je sprzila film…sad sam konacno shvatila tvoju opsesiju…uh gledala sam ga jucer 4 puta…ok necu vise pretjerivat…I kako ste proveli Bozic? Mogu vam reci da je meni bio sretan, osjetila sam to neko blagdansko raspolozenje u svom srcu…ali mislim da me ipak najvise razveslila cinjenica da me se jedna samozatajna osoba sjetila…to mi je definitivno uljepsalo ove praznike…eh necu se previse nadati da ne ispadne lose…ej ne zivcira vas ovaj snijeg?…sve super white christas and all that shit…ali kaj je previse, je previse…osim cinjenice da se mozete po cesti maksimalno mozete voziti 30km/h I svakodnevno ciscenje snijega, ova zima me pocela strasno iritirati…krenula ja jedan dan biciklom na trening, kad ono vani snijeg pa popizdila sam I onda morala na stop da bi dosla na trening…isla bi ja pjeske, ali ipak 7 km…po onoj snijeznoj oluji, pa bas tak luda nisam…I na kraju prilazem vam jednu svoju pjesmicu iz moje mracne faze I svima vam zelim uspjesnu I sretnu 2006. godinu!!!!!!! And don` t forget: “Be yourself!"

Whispearing shadow

Is it me?
Is it you?
Or is it just my shadow whispearing?
Don` t be afraid, come closer!
I ` m already full of pain I won` t hurt you!
You` re the one for me, you` re my guarding angel!
Come closer and feel my pain…it` s bigger than yours…
so shall we die together and leave are bodies rot?!
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četvrtak, 22.12.2005.

**...my life is a false belief...**

Evo nisam vec dugo pisala, iz vrlo jednostavnog razloga…imam zabranu interneta, mama je posizila dok je vidla telefonski racun…mislim kao da sam samo ja nabila taj internet…a ona gnjida od mojeg malog brata svako malo visi na netu…ono trazi curu prek chata…ma daj molim te, sve bi to trebalo poubijati…ali doslovno…nekad me to ubijalo kaj taj mali frklec uvijek dobi sve kaj zazeli, a uvijek sam ja kriva za sve..ali pomirila sam se s tim…sve bude se to njemu vratilo u zivotu…ali s druge strane, ne znam kaj bi bez njega…ne bih imala koga zajebavati po cijele dane…hehe, ah ma dobar je on…skola je gotova, ocjene su zakljucene…high life…paznici…stvarno mi trebaju, iscrpljena sam od svega, skole, treninga…ne znam kaj se s menom dogadja…opet mi se vratila ljubav prema stolnom, jer mi u zadnjih godina dana uzasno sve iritiralo…sad sam pocela opet ozbiljno trenirati…a dobro nije ni to jedini razlog…heh
Uskoro Bozic, a ja nisam jos poklone kupila, a love nemam…a dobro bude tata valjda nesto udijelio, pa ipak je Bozic J…I tak prolaze mi dani bez posebnog znacaja, opet sve po isto, sve po starom…mozda zato sto se pomalo I sama bojim promjena…donekle je to I prirodno, al bojim se razocaranja…uvijek mislim da ce sve ispast gore…ako se I dogodi nesto dobro…znam da je vrlo kratkotrajjno te da ce ubrzo ponovno zapuhati vihor zla…100%-tni sam pesimist I nikad se necu promijeniti…to je cinjenica…uostalom pomalo mi zderu zivce ljudi koji sve gledaju preko ruzicastih naocala, mislim da oni dozive puno vise razocaranja u zivotu nego ja…mislim ima trenutaka kad sam ja sretna, ali vrlo su kratkotrajni…ali sad ce Bozic pa se mozda u meni preformulira, sto iskreno sumnjam…ljudi koji se hocu sa mnom druziti nek me prihvate takvu…nek ne zive u zabludi…jer zivot zapravo ne postoji, ljudi ne postoje, sve je to fikcija, odredjena vrsta zagonetke koja je nerjesiva…svijet je ustvari prah, a mi smo izgubljene duse koje lutaju u nerjesivom kaosu…eh da moram se ispricati jednoj osobi…ona zna da je to njoj namijenjeno…gle nisam te htjela nicim povrijediti I onaj post nije bio namijenjen tebi…zao mi je ako si u njemu pronasla sebe, ali nisi to bila ti…I mislila sam da s tobom mogu o svemu pricati, iako razmisljamo potpuno razlicito…one subote kad smo bile same vani osjecala sam da me razumijes I da postujes moj nacin razmisljanja kao I ja tvoj I skreno se nadam da se nista nije po tom pitanju promijenilo…jos jednom oprosti…a brzo ce I nova godina…jos ne znam di budem, al sam rano pocela razmisljat…heh…ma budemo nest smislile..nadam se…be sad and wait for the happiness…it will come in little pieces but It* ll be worth waiting…jeeeeeeeee, kak moj jedan frend kaze jebi svaki dan kao da ce ti biti posljedni, heh…ajd kissssssss
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RAGE-Waiting for the Moon

I believe in the dark
I am afraid of the world
'cause it scares me, I know

People don't like me, talk behind my back
Avoiding the look in my disfigured face

I'm just waiting for the moon to come and set me free
And I'm just waiting for moonlight and then my eyes you can see
I'm just waiting for the moon to come and set me free
Because the moonlight can release me from my misery

Hide my face in the day
Tonight I'll set myself free
I'm addicted to moonlight

Run with the wind, feel the wet in the air
A pleasure for me and my distorted soul

I'm just waiting for the moon to come and set me free
And I'm just waiting for moonlight and then my eyes you can see
I'm just waiting for the moon to come and set me free
Because the moonlight can release me from my misery

Hid my face in the day
Tonight I'll set myself free

Run with the wind, feel the wet in the air
Oh, how I'm longing for it
A pleasure for me and my distorted soul
I feel like the cat walkin' on a wall

I'm just waiting...



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petak, 09.12.2005.

**living my own life...with all disadvantages...**

Ja vise ne mogu vjerovati da zivot moze biti tako nepravedan i okrutan…covjek se stvarno ponekad zapita zasto uopce postoji, koji je smisao njegove egzistencije kad koliko se god trudio biti posten, moralan… uvijek postoje ljudi koji se zavaravaju, koji si mazu oci, I zive u lazi …I sto je najgore ti ljudi najbolje prodju u zivotu to me uzasno iritira, to me vise boli nego kad bi mi netko fizicki nanio bol…sto je sa ovim svijetom da je postao tako bescutan, tako okrutan?!! Taj odgovor nikad necu doznati… koliko god ga trazila duboko u svom srcu...sad kad sam se napokon pronasla u svojoj zabludi osjecaja, sad zelim taj proces prenijeti I na ostale…zelim promijeiti svijet, ali ja sam samo jedna kap u moru lazi, jedna beznacajna dusa koja egzistira zahvaljujuci sebi I svojim zaslugama…ne mogu ostati nutralna na nasenu nepravdu…pokusavam ostati jaka, misliti da sam iznad onog koji je zao I ohol…ali previse me to pogadja…iako se to na mojoj vanjstini ne vidi, unutra gorim od zelje da puknem, da svima kazem sto mislim o njima…da se ne moram vise skrivati u ovom kaoticnom svemiru…ali necu, nije jos stiglo moje vrijeme, ali doci ce jednom, osim ako me visa sila sprijeci u tome I uzme me k sebi, tek tad cu postati nemocna, dotad cu se boriti, naci cu skrivenu untarnju snagu koja ce me pokrenuti, zivim u nadi da je ona tu negdje, samo mi se sakrila…ali naci cu je ja, moram, moram se poceti boriti sa svim ovim sranjima koje me izjedaju koje me lagano lome u stotinu komada, naci cu ja taj svoj karakter I pokazat cu se u pravom svijetlu I tek cete tada saznati sto ovo malo i nezgrapno srce skriva duboko u sebi..Image Hosted by ImageShack.us.Vjerojatno ste svi culi Ili citali o nasilju nad profesorima…to je sad postao hit...odrzano nam je moralno predavanje o duznosti koje moramo vrsiti prema nasim predragim profesorima, ma daj sranje da nema veceg…citiram: “a jeste li kad culi za dogadjaj da je profesor ubio ucenika? Niste, e pa onda nema smisla govoritti o zlostavljanju profesora nad ucenicima!” Ti profesori su niz izfrustiranih, ogranicenih smeca koji ti zagorcavaju zivot na svakom koraku I onda ti se jos smiju u facu kad ti zapisuju jedinicu, gadovi…skola je "obrazovno-odgojna" ustanova…skola je skup ogranicenih manijaka koji iskaljuju svoj bijes na nama..ali neka, vratit ce im se to…uostalom oni ce uvijek ostati skup usidjelica, a mi cemo jednom I zavrsiti tu skolu I tad se njima smijat u facu…men tjesi cinjenica da ja imam sigurno bogatiji privatni zivot nego vecina njih, luzeri………………tak da mi smo iznad niih…unistit cemo ih kad dode nase vrijeme…may the force be with us…iako cemo ovih godina sto su nam osatale trpjeti njihove ispade i besmislice, duboko u svom srcu smijat cemo im se…samo cekam taj dan, dan “osvete”, mozda sam malo pretjeala, ali stvarno me nekad raspizde da jednostavno puknem…ali necu im dat da se slade mojo nesrecom, necu mi pokazati kakva sam, necu nikom pokazat pravu sebe, neka svi uzive u iluziji..a ja cu biti jedina koja ce znat pravu istinu…skrivenu duboko u najmracnijem kutku ovog nestasnog srca...

Learning to fly - Pink Floyd

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted Just an earth-bound misfit, I
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, A state of bliss
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I...
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subota, 03.12.2005.

**on the right track...**

Hey…danas necu poceti s nekim besmislenim porukama o zivotu jer su se sad svi oko mene zabrinuli za moje mentalno zdravlje…ne nisam luda, I ne ne mislim da sam za vrapce…to sto me cesto zaokupljaju lose I bijedne misli o zivotu i pitanju zivota i smrti…shvacam to sasvim normalnim…I bas me briga sto drugi misle o tome…shvatila sam da svi ljudi s kojima sam donekle bliska pocelionak malo vise se brinuti o meni…oprostite, ali to stvarno smatram licemjerjem…kao ono nisu znali sto se to dogadja u mojoj glavi, kao nisu mislili da ja mogu razmisljati na tako pesimistican nacin…niste kurac, ne znate nista o meni zato jer me nikad niste pitali jer vas to ne zanima…nemojte misliti da vas kritiziram I shvatiti to kao osobnu uvredu jer ja sam se odavno pomirila s istinom…ja nema nekoga s kim bi mogla iskreno o svemu razgovarti, a mozda je tako I bolje…svatko nek se muci svojim problemima, a ja…ja cu uvijek biti tu kad nekome zatreba rame za plakanje…tome ja sluzim, ali dobro ako mi je sudbina predodredila takav ishod, onda cu je i prihvatiti…ali gotovo je, odlucila sam da se nikome necu otvoriti, imali ste svoju sansu…kad sam pocela malo vise o tome govoriti shvatila sam da to vecini nema smisla, e pa meni ima…I mislite o meni sto hocete bas me briga…po prvi put cu ja biti egosticna I mislit cu na sebe…razgovarala sam s jednom osobom o tome I rekla joj da ju necu opterecivat svojim besmislenim problemima, no ona mi je rekla da je zivot kratak I da ne mogu svima ugoditi…te da ga iskoristim maksimalno…eh, da svima koji se su zabrinuli za moje fizicko zdravlje, odlucila sam prestati sjediti na prozoru I jer sam se uzasno prehladila…tak da ne mogu ni govoriti…eh, valjda ce proc, a ako nece, onda nece…I onako je svejedno da li umrem sad ili za 50 gdina…ionako me svijet nece ni po cemu pamtit…da umrem tako mlada, znam da bih jedino ostala zivjeti u srcima svoje obitelji…znam da njihova bol I tuga za mnom nikada ne bi prosli…e I zbog toga sam prestala razmisljat o samoubojstu I ostalim nacinima samoozljedjivanja…znam da bi im bilo tesko, ubija me to sto oko mene umire sve vise ljudi koji su mi bliski, koja sam poznavala…kao da jednostavno ishlape I zato se bojim uopce razmisljati o tome jer ne znam koga ce slijedeceg zapasti smrt…ja se ne bojim svoje smrti…taj strah sam odavno prevladala, I ako mi se dogodi stogod borit cu se sa smrcu sve dok me ne pobijedi, necu se samo tako predati…nisam tako slaba, ali kad dodje taj trenutak znat cu da sam ucinila sve I da mi nema spasa…a dotad cu ipak pokusati zazivjeti..ima jedna osoba meni jako draga, malo starija I iskusnija kojoj ne mogu sve reci ali mogu joj to napisati, I ta osoba me jedina shvaca, ona me jedina ne ismijava I ne misli da su to sve gluposti, radim na tome da joj se potpuno otvorim…ali jos uvijek nisam prevladala taj strah…ne znam sto bi bez tebe osobe…stvarno mi ulijeva nadu u zivot…pa hvala ti…eh da moram reci da ako tko ima sto protiv mene ili ako sam koga povrijedila nek mi iskreno kaze jer ja cu nadalje zivjeti u potpunoj istini bez lazi I muljaze…dosta mi je svega…koliko god bilo zla ovom bijednom svijetu, naci cu ja svoj skriven kutak srece I uzivat u njemu makar trenutak…taj dan s iscekivanjem prizeljkujem, dotad cu raditi na samoizgradnji, formulirati svoj karakter I ne vise izigravat izgubljenu dusu…gotovo je s tim, moje tijelo ce se izgraditi, prije ili poslije…nece ostati samo mlako I bescutno…samo je pitanje vremena, ali to cu uciniti potpuno sama, nemojte mi ni pokusavati pruziti neku pomoc jer unaprijed vam velim to nema smisla…zivite dalje u zabludi (ionako vam nije nista falilo), I pustite me da se nadjem, da ponovno krivo ne skrenem…da prestanem zivjeti u fikciji I da se suocim s ovozemaljskim zivotom, jer to mi je zadnja prilika koju mi zivot pruza... Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


Just Gimme Some Truth - John Lennon
I’m sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocritics
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
I’ve had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth

No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of hope
Money for dope
Money for rope

No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap
Money for dope
Money for rope

I’m sick to death of seeing things
From tight-lipped, condescending, mama’s little chauvinists
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth now

I’ve had enough of watching scenes
Of schizophrenic, ego-centric, paranoiac, prima-donnas
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth

No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap
It’s money for dope
Money for rope

Ah, I’m sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocrites
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now

I’ve had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now

All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth



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nedjelja, 27.11.2005.

**Can*t take the pressure**

"Budi iskren prema sebi kako ne bi bio lazan prema drugima" Francis Bacon; zasto ne mogu priznati svijetu sto me muci, necu ih zamarati svojim nepotrebnim i nevaznim problemima koje si zapravo samo bez nekvog ozbiljnog razloga stvaram...stvarno sam glupa...ne mogu se suociti s istinom, ne mogu sebe prihvatiti takvu...punu jada boli i tuge...ne mogu se prihvatiti, to nisam prava ja ...ne zelim bti takva...zelim biti jedna od obicnih, nerprimijecena u drustvu, ne isticati se svojim bolesnim frustracijama...zasto se zamaram sitnicama kad oko mene postoje tolike stvari koje bi me mogle veseliti, ali ne vesele me...ne osjecam taj vjetar srece, kao da puse u potpuno krivom smjeru, kako ga se domoci, kako ga uhvatiti prije nego uleti u nepovrat...puna sam pitanja, a moja nemirna dusa prazna je odgovora..."Nitko moj zivot ne moze zivjeti umjesto mene. Ako sam mudar, vec cu danas poceti iznutra graditi vlastiti stvarniji i bolji svijet" Horatio Dresser; Res non verba...samo stojim na mjestu, a nista ne radim kako bi uljepsala ovaj nemiran zivot, zavaravam se da ce bol proci sama od sebe, ali nece...s vremenom samo raste i svakog dana sve je prisutnija u meni i nakon nekog vremena ne mogu se je vise okaniti...osjecam da cu tugom prozivjeti cijeli ovaj zemaljski zivot, zato bolje da sto prije odem...hocu pronaci blagostanje i mir, a ja ga ovdje ne nalazim...znam da ima super ljudi kojima je stalo do mene i zbog njih se drzim...znam da bi im bilo tesko da tako mlada jednostavno isparim, njihova nada i vjera u mene drzi me na zivotu, ne moja jer sam ju vec odavno negdje zagubila...htjela sam se danas potpuno otvoriti jednoj osobi, ali nisam mogla, nisam jos potpuna...ne mogu vam o tome javno govoriti jer znam da imate ozbiljnije probleme od mene i necu vas tistiti mojima, nisam tako sebicna...zelim pomoci svima vama, a posebno toj osobi...ali nemojte vi meni pokusavati pomoci..sa mnom je gotovo...moje srce je odavno zatvoreno, a ja sam izgubola njegov kljuc...trazim ga...ali nema ga i cekam dan kad cu ga pronaci, kad cu moci slobodno vrisnuti, puknuti...i kad svo ovo zlo odleti van...cekam dan kad ce me osloboditi ovaj demon jada...tada cete otkriti tko sam zapravo ja...ne treba meni prijateljski savjet i utjeha od tog se osjecam jos jadnije...meni treba prava staza, staza dobra s minimalnom kolicinom zla..."Svaki zivt koji istinski zivimo opasna je stvar i postavi li covjek previse ograda kako bi se zastitio od opasnosti, na koncu ce zaprijeciti pristup i samome zivotu"...Kenneth Davis; ja sam ta...postavljam oko sebe visoke kamene zidove i nitko ne moze doprijeti do mog srca, cak nija sama...to je tak zalosno...ja zapravo ne zivim...ja ne postojim, ne zivim istinskim zivotom...zivi samo moj lik, moje duse nema...ona zivi u paklu bijesa i boli..."Dusa bez visoko postavljenog cilja slicna je brodu bez kormila" ; Eileen Cady, to sam ja, izgubljena dusa bez pravog cilja u zivotu...gdje sam ja...postojim li ja? Mislim da je moje mjesto odavno trebalo biti u paklu; gorjeti sa gresnim dusama...ali jedostavno ja sam jos uvijek ovdje, medu zivima....netko mi daje priliku da se promjenim...da se otvorim, a ta prilika nije ni okrznula moje srce, ono je ostalo hladno, zatvoreno cekajuci milost obracenja...Ljubav...osjecaj u kojem ja ne nalazim mjesto...odavno je ishlapio...prestala sam vjerovati da nesto takvo uopce postoji...necu mu se predati, necu se zaljubiti, ljubav boli...a meni je dosta patnje...zivjet cu bez emocija ko do sada...nisam jos spremna na promjenu, nisam jos ona koja zelim biti...otvorenih vidika i potpuno se prepustiti zivotu, uzivati u njemu, nisam ta...i vjerojatno nikad necu ni biti...ubija me ta misao...umirem polako, umirem od nepodnosljive boli...nemojte plakati, nisam vrijedna vasih suza...molite neku visu silu da me oslobodi ovog pakla...jer ja sam ostala nemocna..." Image Hosted by ImageShack.usovdje trazim svoju dusu, u svom kaoticnom svemiru...ali nema je...otisla je bez povratka...trazit cu je iza punog mjeseca...mozda se ipak sakrila..., a mozda je to samo fikcija...Image Hosted by ImageShack.us



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petak, 25.11.2005.

**Pain has occupated my weakness soul**

"Zivot postoji kako bismo ga zivjeli, a znatizelju treba odrzavati. Covjek nikada, bez obzira na razloge, ne smije zivotu okrenuti leda" Eleanor Roosevelt; ova recenica stvarno mi se urezala u dusu, vec se nekoliko dana pitam kako uspijevam opstati na ovom bijednom svijetu?! Znam, problem je samo u meni...ja se moram mijenjati iz temelja, ja moram pronaci sebe u svom izgubljenom svemiru...no to mi ne uspijeva...nisam ona koja lako odustaje od onog sto si zacrta, ali sebe i svoju osobnost jos ne mogu pronaci, odlutala je bez pozdrava u daleke krajeve..."Neistrazeni zivot nije dostojan zivljenja" Sokrat; ja zato ne zasluzujem da zivim...mislim da bi bilo najbolje da jednostavno nestanem, da ishlapim....ali da nitko to ne primijeti i da nitko ne bude tuzan sto je otisla jedna izubljena dusa; ne zelim nikome zlo i patnju, zelim samo sebi pomoci...a ne ide mi i ne ide; jako sam tako sebicna i egoisticna...jadam se o svojim nevaznim problemima, dok na svijetu postoji toliko ljudi koji pate, koji su neizljecivo bolesni, koji su jednostavno s razlogom nesretni...zato ne zelim o tome govoriti javno, znam da to nisu nikakvi ozbiljni problemi i da imaju rjesenje...radje sam tiho i slusam o patnjama drugih, tada barem znam da nisam jedina...zato sam na ovom blogu odlucila pisati potpuno iskreno bez nekih ograda i prepreka..."Nitko nema pravo zivot smatrati nezanimljivim ili nezadovoljavajucim ako unutar kruga vlastitih aktivnosti vidi nepravdu cijem ispravljanju moze pripomoci ili ako u sebi vidi zlo cijem se nadvladanju moze nadati" Charles Eliot; kako svi ti aforizmi savrseno zvuce...zasto ja ne mogu zivjeti prema njihovim nacelima?! Zasto sam tako slaba da ne mogu poceti zivot iznova?! Ne mogu naci odgovor na ta pitanja...zadubila sam se duboko u svoju dusu, no ona me odbacila...svada izmedju mog razuma i duse ne prestaje...znam sto je dobro, znam kako bi trebala moralno zivjeti...no nesto u unutrasnjosti koci me ka ostvarenju tog cilja...ne mogu smirit svoju utreptalu dusu i nemirno srce koje odbija sve dobro, koje nije imuno samo na zlo...nImage Hosted by ImageShack.usemam karakter, ne mogu pomiriti te dvije zaracene strane...nemojte me sazalijevati i pokusati mi pomoci jer mi necete moci, sa mnom je vec odavno gotovo...ponekad se pitam ima li nade za nekog tako neuravnotezenog, nezrelog, nesretnog...Zasto umiru dobri ljudi?! zasto je sve na ovom jebenom svijetu napako?! najbolje bi bilo da mene ponese taj vihor smrti jer ja sam ta koja ne valja, ja sam samo bezosjecajno tijelo bez duse i jadnog srca...ne doprinosim svijetu ni na jedan nacin, samo ga kvarim svojim pesimisticnim mislima...pa bolje da me odvedu na neki drugi svijet, tako nikome necu smetati, tamo necu siriti svoje bolesne frustracije...tamo cu biti sama sa svojim neizljecivim mislima...taImage Hosted by ImageShack.usmo ce me docekat sudac i suditi za sve zlo koje sam prosirila zemaljskim svijetom...najbolje bi bilo da se to dogodi sto prije jer ne mogu vise ovako....osjecam takav pritisak kao da cu eksplodirat svakog trena, nigdje ne nalazim mir i spokoj...nekad sam ga nalazila sjedeci na hladnoci na prozoru svoje sobe i patila sam, smrzavala sam se, ali nije mi smetalo, cak sam osjecala olaksanje...kao da su sva moja nedjela i grijesi odleprsali iz nesretne duse i negdje se izgubili u vihoru hladnoce...Image Hosted by ImageShack.usne mogu se sjetit neceg pozitivnog.. oko mene nema dobrog, kao da me namjerno zaobilazi... kao da ga nisam dostojna..zasto ga ne mogu dostici...zasto mi bjezi...u svom kaosu bijede dobro ne nalazi mjest otislo je od mene i ne kani se vratiti, a ja ga uzalud cekam sa suzom u oku...da zagrije mojo hladno srce i da mi podari zivot o kojem samo mastam...zivim u nadi cekajuci prosvjetljenje...



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utorak, 22.11.2005.

**Life without any serious reason**

Tko ima "zasto" zbog kojeg zivi moze se nositi s bilo kojim "kako"; Friedrich Nietzsche...ova izreka objedinjuje cijeli zivot...odnosno kako se postaviti u odredenim teskim situacijama u zivotu..ako ti identitet nije izgraden, ako nema svoje ja, nemas nista...bolje da ni ne zivis...jer se neces moci nositi sa zlom koje ovaj bijedan zivot donosi...ja nemam svoje unutrasnje ja, izgubljena sam u ovom nepovratnom kaosu samoce i bijede...to i dokazuje jucerasnji dogadaj...isla ja u kupaonu i vidjela novu, novcatu britvicu... Image Hosted by ImageShack.uskrenula prema njoj, priblizila je ruci, tj.zilama, zatvorila oci i...ne, nisam se zrezala, nisam imala dovoljno snage...to samo dokazuje moju nedlucnost, moje nedefinirani identitet...nisam formirana ni kao dobra osoba ni kao zla..pa tko sam onda ja?!Image Hosted by ImageShack.usja sam nitko i nista, ne utjecem na nikoga, ne sirim optimizam...ne sirim ni pesimizam; ponekad mislim da bi svijet bez mene izgledao potpuno isto...na svijetu bi falilo samo jedno tijelo, tijelo bez duse...beznacajno, umrtvljeno...i onda nek mi netko kaze koji je smisao ljudskog postojanja na ovom zemaljskom djelu zivota?! nema ga...ljudi se samo zavaraju i vesele nekim beznacajnim sitnicama...sve vam je to isprazna fikcija...sreca kojoj svaki covjek tezi samo je malo uljepsana nesreca...jedino sto postoji sto je stvarno, bar u mojem svijetu...to su tuga, ispraznost duse, bijeda i nemoc da se odupirem teskocama...vise nema lijepih stvari kojima se veselim, mislim samo na najgore...i ako se to ne desi...nisam sretna zbog toga jer znam da ce me nesreca kad tad dopasti...to je stvarnost, a ja sam odlucila zivjeti s istinom...mozete reci da nisam normalna, ali priznajte sami sebi...kolika je kratkotrajna ta vasa sreca...Omnia preclara rara....ne slazem se ni s tim...nije sve divno rijetko...divno uopce ne postoji...ne znam zasto uopce postoji ta rijec, nista nije divno, nista nije savrseno...sve je to laz...Image Hosted by ImageShack.usovako vam izgleda moja isprazna dusa..prohujala je s vihorom i vise ju ne mogu dostici...predaleko mi je...a tako je blizu, smije mi se u lice i bjezi od mene...moram se upotpuniti da bi mi se povratila...previse se od mene ocekuje...ipak sam ja samo jedno bescutno tijelo koje stoji na mjestu, koje nema razloga za zivot...jedino na sto to tijelo nije otporno to je bol, srecu i dobro odbija u trenu, no jad je iznova i iznova sustize...ne mogu se tome oduprijeti , zasto nisam jaka, zasto me ne pokrece neka unutarnja snaga?! Kad cu uopce poceti zivjeti pravim zivotom...nikada, mozda tek onda kad otidjem na drugi svijet...mozda tek tad zazivim...do tada ja sam sam isprazno tijelo bez osjecaja na krivom putu, napustena od normalno svijeta, s kaosom u svom nepovratnom svemiru...Image Hosted by ImageShack.usevo i moje slike...jos ne izgledam tako, ali ubrzo hocu...nemojte se presrasiti...samo mi se dopala slikica...Image Hosted by ImageShack.us



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